Here are 5 simple questions to ask yourself when you need to get your confidence back after a tough time.

It takes courage and resilience to build a thriving creative practice because challenges and knock-backs happen at every step of the way. The best thing to do is catch your breath, dust yourself down and take a short amount of time to reflect (but not dwell) on these questions.

1. What happened?

Write about what happened as a stream of consciousness. Fill an A4 page and write fast without stopping. Forget about punctuation or making sense – this is about uncovering how you’re really feeling ie bruised, embarrassed or rejected etc.

Look over your words and perhaps you’ll spot old stories and patterns right there on the page. You know, the ones spoken in that whiny inner critic voice, which says mean stuff. Is any of it is even true? Take a moment to reflect on this. Then choose a constructive, self-compassionate approach to the negative bits that are true.

2. What’s the lesson?

It can be really useful to think about what a bad experience has to teach you about not making the same mistakes or choices again.

For example, in the early days of Urban Curiosity I was commissioned to design and deliver a bespoke walkshop experience for a client’s client. Turned out this third party didn’t know what they wanted. The focus and timeline kept moving further away from my company values and the budget as I crossed all my personal boundaries and tied them up in an ugly bow.

After weeks of work, and frustration, I decided to refund my client’s deposit and walk away. I was out-of-pocket, worried about damage to my professional reputation and full of self-doubt about where it had all gone so wrong.

The first step to getting my confidence back after this fiasco was to remember the beauty of clarity and the power of a firm boundary. Thereafter I was much more intentional about identifying and accepting the ‘right’ type of projects.

BTW this was not a new lesson for me. Often we get sent the same lesson over and over again because we didn’t pay attention the last time. Gah!

3. Is it even about you?

Not getting the commission or the contract can lead to you to wonder what is wrong with you (or your work!). That’s just your ego talking – it’s a fragile wee thing. Likely the reason someone else got the gig or the grant is to do with loads of other things outside your control.

All you can do is continue to live, work and create with intention and integrity. It’s the best way to get your confidence back fast, seriously. Because you will begin to attract the right people and projects and repel the rest.

4. What if you reframe your relationship to failure?

Bringing curiosity and an enthusiasm for experimentation to your creative work can make setbacks feel less like failure and more like a normal part of the creative process. The key is to make an effort because if you’re not brave enough to try - for fear of failure - then you’re going to stay small or stuck.

For example, I embrace the editing process because I know it makes my writing tighter and stronger. It doesn’t feel comfortable in the moment but experience has taught me the rewards outweigh any temporary discomfort.

Also, I am a fan of tiny experiments because they give me permission to mess up without being attached to the outcome. The risk factor is low and the discovery factor is limitless. Win!

5. Is it just a case of bad timing?

Sometimes a dent to your confidence is part of a specific season of your life. For instance, bereavement has knocked me sideways many times over these past years.

Learning to surrender to the ebb and flow of grief in these seasons of my life has been the kinder, more self-compassionate choice compared with trying to power on through. By this I mean I had to accept my reduced energy and ability to focus. I had to trust it was temporary and I would get my confidence back in time.

Perhaps you’re raising tiny humans or recovering from burnout in which case beating yourself up for struggling to get going with a new creative project is unhelpful and unkind.

Try to accept your current limitations of energy, focus, time, money, space – and understand this is a phase that won’t, or does not have to, last forever. Then focus on embracing the season of life you’re in now.

KEY TAKEAWAY

Setbacks, rejections and disappointments are part of life and an inevitable part of any creative project. Developing greater self-awareness and self-compassion is essential if you want to get your confidence back fast after a rough patch.