My Simple Happy #1
23rd August 2018
It's the small things that bring us joy even if it doesn't last.
Anxiety is still hanging around like a bad smell. And depression, too. The hours before I recorded the video clip at the bottom of this page were filled with panic in my body and a shouty voice in my head reminding me how I was out of control and wicked and useless.
Between my toxic self-talk and the exceptional temperatures, I’d had a terrible night’s sleep. On waking, I decided to work in the cool of the Tate Modern cafe to escape the heatwave and try to focus on work.
A couple of minutes by the river and some guitar strings took me out of my head and back into my whole body. I felt light and happy. I wanted to capture this feeling by talking at my smartphone and declaring #mysimplehappy a moment or a feeling of pure delight.
Just after I recorded this video my brother called. I stood in the shade of the former power station and listened as he told me someone we loved was on their deathbed. I spent that night at the hospital and the next day, when I was on the train at Paddington heading back there, our relative died. I felt sad (for me) and relieved (for them). I searched for that split second of #mysimplehappy on that significant date. I found it and posted about the relief of summer rain after a heatwave in my Instagram stories.
Since then I have kept track of these fleeting seconds of delight or respite from the heaviness of struggling with my mental health. It reminds me there is beauty and light, humour and love in the world. First, I must open up to welcome them in (even if I’m having an angsty or low day and am crying in a heap on the floor ten seconds later). Some of #mysimplehappy moments recently were:
- Spanish week at Lidl = ensaimadas which remind me of teenage family holidays to the Balearics
- Beautiful police horses clip clopping past my window on their daily exercise
- The ducks on Blackheath pond
- Looking for a work-related video clip and finding one of someone I love instead
- A whole morning with my bestie after two months of not seeing each other
- A little tourist kid at London Bridge station wearing a 100% polyester Buckingham Palace Guardsman hat on the hottest day of the year.
- Rain drumming against the large skylight in my new home after heatwave
- The tree leaves on the old oaks in neighbouring gardens rustle and glimmer in the summer breeze.
What is your #simplehappy today? What moment or feeling brought you joy or gratitude or sparked wonder? What did you notice or experience in the world around you?